I revel in the low moans of the room as the wind outside attempts to battle us in noise. Our skins slap together against one another while the gurgling of the wetness increases with every stroke. Your hands bring me closer and trap me under you. I try escaping only to be flipped around to trap you. The wind outside increases in strength and now the rain assists it in the noise level. You sit up against the back frame while the friction of our bodies continues to make the wetness more fluid than the rain outside. I grab your hands and place them above your head. Your assault back at me is like the wind that threatens to break the window frame with such force. I remain on top but you are in control grasping both my wrists and placing them interlocked behind me. You grab the inside of my thigh and pull me deeper on to the monster. I try not to scream and instead a low guttural moan escapes my lips at the same time thunder outside threatens to intensify the night.
I finally let go of the pain inside. I cried until I got a headache because it was all I could do. I cried for the loss of the man I have most loved in my life. I had to let him go because he didn’t love me back. I would have stayed if it weren’t for my incessant brain always searching for love. Damn our minds sometimes ruin things. The physical connection I had with this man surpassed any love I had ever encountered. It created a mental connection unlike any other. I would have done anything to retain him but his love hurt me so bad because it was always and only on his terms. His way of loving sometimes felt like rejection and my heart was breaking apart slowly. Yes I love him, I believe I always will. They say true love never goes away even when it isn’t reciprocated, it just becomes something else. I’m ok with that. I gave him up to chase love and now all I have is pain and despair.
Your smell is saturated so deep in my nostrils, I can’t escape it today. I can taste your lips still on mine. A small touch of yours is embedded on my body. It’s like a replay of a video over and over in my mind. Nothing was different from before but nothing was the same. I embraced the reality. It is purely physical pleasure with no emotional attachment and so I let go and let the pleasure overtake me. Orgasms came faster than ever before. Moans resonated deeper. Even the pain from the act itself was more acute for he is most generously blessed. When you let go of what the mind thinks it wants and allows the body to just feel, you can achieve so much physical pleasure. The venom though is most poisonous. If I allow it to saturate me for too long a period I will be poisoned…
I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. We live together in a home arranged and provided by the institution we work for. It’s a school for children from troubled homes. I’m the school counselor/psychologist and he is the P.E. teacher. I get up and go to the shared kitchen for some water. I feel the tension in my heart from having to leave my room in not so decent clothing. I know he’s a heavy sleeper so I should be fine walking to the kitchen quietly. His room is not far from mine and as I open my door to my bedroom I listen intently to make sure he’s sleeping. I don’t hear anything so I open my door wider and walk to the kitchen. No more than 5 seconds later his door swings open and I stop walking as I’m making my way to the kitchen. We just stare at each other and both mumble something until I’m able to get out that I’m getting water. His answer is similar to mine and he is apparently also getting water.
We were once lovers some many years ago. He went about his life, got married and had a kid. I always knew he would. I had been living on campus for a few years but I had been alone in this small house the school had provided for me. I thought of him all the time and hoped he was happy wherever he was. I had loved him unconditionally back then but I knew eventually he would find someone to marry that could bear him children. I had been honest from the beginning and he knew I could never be that person for him. I knew in my heart though no one would love him and understand him as I did. Fast forward a few years and here we were working at the same school. I wanted to believe it was fate and that the stars had aligned to put him in my path once again.
I had been devastated when he simply stopped talking to me and went on with his life. Strangely enough back then we worked for the same company also but rarely saw each other because we worked in different divisions. The guys who worked in his division always came down to my floor and visited often. They were a nice bunch, very friendly and outgoing. On many occasions my female co-workers and I joined them at the bar after work for drinks. Most of the men were married already back then with kids so we were all just friends. Even back then all I wanted was to be in his arms and please him as best I could. He rarely visited my floor. When he did the women would swoon over him like they were all dogs and he was their next snack. I felt like a spoiled girl because he always came to speak only to me. I was so in love with him. Never admitted to how much because I didn’t want to lose whatever small hold I felt I had on him.
I understood him even back then. He lived as a conflicted man but I knew how to make him happy. At least I thought I did. I never bothered him. I tried my best to never call or text and if I did I kept it short and sweet. He was a complex man and I didn’t want to be something complex for him. I saw him only on his terms and when he wanted and could make time. I did whatever I could to make him happy. I swear in the few years when we were lovers we were only together a handful of times. If I check my calendar I probably have all the dates of when we were intimate. He brought the inner child in me out like that; writing silly things down like dates. Not in a bad way either, he just made me feel young and vibrant again. Somewhere on my old laptop I think I stored all our conversations. We were together for a few years before he went radio silent on me. Our relationship back then was not a ‘normal’ one by anyone’s standard but it worked for us.
I missed him everyday after he left. I never could find someone that measured up to him. He was the one for me. I was too scared to lose him so I played it cool. I was open with him about so many of my feelings but I never really confessed how deep my love was. I knew eventually he would walk away because like all men he would need to find a woman to give him children and I had already prepared myself mentally for his departure. Not sure i was ready though. I suffered immensely for a bit but my life went on. Everyone I met just wasn’t him and I never truly gave myself entirely to another man. Somehow in my heart I knew or wished he would return.
I had finally pushed myself to return to school after my retirement from the company. I went back and earned my masters degree which I was so very proud of. My brain was never one for books but I did my best and pushed so hard for it. Here at the school I found a way to somehow work and enjoy retirement at the same time. This small campus though riddled with noise and kids throughout the day, at night was my sanctuary for reading and relaxing. The school had told me eventually another employee would have to move in but I had been here for 3 years already and most people had chosen to live off the campus. My parents were retired to their native land. My sister and brother were both married with their respective families so it was just me. The campus seemed like a perfect fit and it was rent free while I was employed with the school.
The day he moved in I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in years. I saw him coming up the stairs via the window and our eyes locked. He still looked like a god, my Adonis. I looked away and went to my room. I was lost and confused in my thoughts. Why was he here? Had his marriage failed? Was he running away as he always did? I didn’t understand. That night I lay in my bed and couldn’t sleep. He must have heard me moving about and came knocking at my door. I was not decent back then either. I was accustomed to being alone. After I opened the door I sat back down and covered myself with my comforter. He asked if he could come in. I directed him to sit at the foot of my bed. It was the same bed we had had so many sexual encounters on. I smiled as the thought crossed my mind and looked down. He told me his marriage had failed because of him. He said his wife didn’t understand him, or rather she never bothered to like I had. He said simply that with her he never removed his masks. I understood exactly what he meant. It was an old secret only he and I shared. Well at least in my mind it was our secret. They had a beautiful boy and they lived not too far from the school. The job opening had been a perfect fit for him while allowing him to spend time with his son. We talked a bit but I didn’t offer much because I was still in shock. All I kept thinking was that we were going to live together under the same roof and I didn’t know if I could. I was still very much in love with him and even back then like right now, I never truly knew what he felt for me.
I went to the kitchen nervous and I knew why. We had been living under the same roof for two weeks now and I was doing my damndest to avoid him. I hadn’t seen him at all until now. I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I bent down and grabbed another one for him and he leaned right into my bent ass. When I had been with him a few years back I wasn’t in the best shape. I started almost a year after sleeping with him, trying to really get into shape but he never got to see the final product. It took me another solid year to look remotely close to who I was now. The water bottles fell to the floor. I bent down to retrieve them but he forced me to stand up and then he grabbed my breasts. He was never a breast man but he knew how sensitive my nipples were. I tried to turn around but he just pushed me against the wall while closing the refrigerator door all at the same time.
I was breathing hard and he leaned down to my ear and whispered ‘how long did you think you were going to avoid me’? I swear my underwear was soaked from just hearing his voice. He turned me around and pushed me down to my knees. He didn’t even have to say anything else. I belonged to this man. This man was my everything and I was his in body, soul and mind even when he was playing house with his ex-wife. I came to find out later he was now divorced. I looked up at him and he looked lovingly down at me. ‘I fucking missed you’ he said to me and I was done for. I reached up and slid down his sweats knowing he was commando under them. Old habits die hard with this one. He placed a finger under my chin and forced me to look up. I know he wanted to see my eyes. My eyes were his weakness. I looked up at him the only way I knew how. I opened my soul through my eyes for him.
I grab his cock and inhale it’s scent at the base. I lick the soft skin that’s between his balls and his shaft. I can tug on the skin easily and I know there’s a soft tingling sensation for him there. I slide my mouth down to his balls and suck them with force. I hear him sucking his teeth and I look up at him intently. He pulls my head back and away from his penis and proceeds to grab me in one swift motion up to him. He kisses my chin and then sucks on my neck. He moves to my shoulder and bites with such force I groan loudly. I never forgot his intense bites that left the most loving bruises. He stares at my eyes for a moment before dragging me to the living room and bending me over on the couch. In a swift move he slides into my wet pussy from behind. He groans so loud. I’m soaked with the juices that flow from my pussy but I am tight. I haven’t had a man in a very long time and I know that groan is because he can feel the tight pussy gripping his cock. He pulls all the way out and slams into me with brute force. Again and again he repeats this motion as if to feel again and again how tight she clamps on to him. I’m moaning so loud I’m afraid to be heard by anyone walking outside.
He pulls my head up by my hair near his chest but he is still fucking me raw like an animal. I have nothing to grab in front of me for leverage so I try and hold on to his thighs. Jesus and Mary his thighs are rock solid. He is still a knight in shining rock hard armor and it’s all him. He pushes my hands off his thighs and pulls out of my pussy while turning me around. He kisses me ferociously and just looks at my eyes. He has my hair gripped in his hand and we are both just panting while staring at one another. He releases my hair and I drop to my knees once again. I need to eat him. I want to taste my juices mixed with his sweat and pre-cum. My lips wrap around his thickness and start gliding up and down with such suction that my lips become swollen almost immediately. I don’t stop though. I continue consuming his cock like it’s my last meal. He pulls my face slightly back and looks at me while my lips increase their movement. Then he pulls my head all the way back and his cock slips out of my mouth. He tells me to slide my tongue out and he slaps my tongue with his cock. It’s so hard that the pressure from my tongue presses down on my teeth and it’s hurts. I welcome the pain.
For the past few years my lovers have been few and quite fastidious. I didn’t even want half of them but a woman has needs. In the end most of them were not even worth my time. Always I compared them to him. Always my mind reverted back to him. Always I just wanted it to be him. No one ever measured up. They were always too soft or talked too much or texted dumb ass words that never held my attention. Whatever I asked I got. I know it’s every woman’s dream to have a man just comply but that wasn’t my dream. My dream man was this man right here before me. He always held my mind, my thoughts and my attention because he always gave so much while giving so little of himself. It wasn’t manipulative or wrong in any way, it simply was just his way and I understood that about him. I understood and accepted him for who and how he was and I still loved him with no bounds.
He walked away towards my room. I simply got up and followed him. When I walked in to my bedroom he was already laying in the bed. His forefinger signaled me to come to him. I was still fucking nervous inside but I knew all that would cease in a moment. I climbed on to the bed and straddled him. He sat up as I grabbed his cock and slid it slowly inside me. I threw my head back from the pleasure in my body but most importantly the one in my mind. The level of pure bliss was simply indescribable. He grabbed my ass and while I rode him he slammed my ass back down with every stroke. I couldn’t take the pleasure because the buildup was immediate. I leaned towards him and our foreheads touched as a small deep groan escaped my lips and my first orgasm ripped through my body. I locked my eyes on his and I know he felt it. I slowed down a bit before I started to build the momentum back up. I’m not sure what got into me but I started bucking him so hard and fast. I wanted to consume him. I wanted to swallow his whole body. I wanted to take him in me with such force. It was like I couldn’t hold back. I saw his head roll back as he lost his grip on my ass and begin breathing so hard it turned into a groan. He mumbled the word fuck and my second orgasm came rolling out right away. He moaned so loud as his orgasm took over, it was like the entire room vibrated from the intensity. I followed suit and screamed at the top of my lungs his name. I hadn’t said his name out loud in years and my body yearned to do so now.
We both slowed down and just stared at each other. He sat up and kissed me so gently. We just kept looking at each other and still rocking ever so slightly. He was still inside of me and even though I knew he would lose it soon, his cock was still very fucking hard. He pulled my hair back and slipped out from under me. He laid me down on the bed and just started biting my ass. This was his after care. He was very much so marking his territory and I didn’t care. I never stopped being his. I was his even when I knew he was living his life next to someone else. I turned to my side after my ass was all bruised and full of possibly half a dozen bite marks. He cradled me in a spooning position. I turned my head and looked at him and he simply kissed my forehead. He slipped his cock in between my legs and just held me and for the first time ever in our lives, we fell asleep together……
I believe I have an obsession about you. It’s not an unhealthy obsession but more of a fascination. When i stare at your pictures it’s not like a woman who is staring at the eyes of her lover. The stare is more like that of a fan who is obsessed with a star she has never met. It’s not something I can quite place my finger on. When I see you though and you’re in front of me or you text or even the rare times you call it’s like I’m star struck. I’m left in awe of what is before me. Obsessions are created more from people who have never met their favorite actor or singer or famous persona. That’s the thing though, to me it’s like you’re this unattainable person and yet I’ve tasted you in so many different ways. I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever stop feeling no matter the time that passes or what may transpire between us………
What is that thing we call love? Is it really all that wonderful and patient and all that other jazz they talk about? We watch it on tv, listen about it in our music, visualize it through words in a story. We want to experience it the way it’s so described and depicted. The truth though is that it comes in so many different shapes and forms and by the time it trickles down to us it’s been tainted, broken down and so diluted that it’s hard to see the beauty in it. The beauty though is there and it’s present because no matter how many times we get broken, we push through it and again give it life by believing in the next person we feel might bring us light. It’s the possibility of that light and that new beginning and maybe even prospect of happily ever after that keeps our hearts and minds open to the possibility.
We get broken down to a cold and hopeless place. We cry and scream and do whatever is necessary to exorcize the pain from within our minds; but somehow we manage to get past it and begin anew. Why? Why do we venture out knowing that the possibility of anguish could one day come knocking at our door again? We do it because there is still that hope that the next time someone will come and give us a kiss that will breed new life and the possibility of new love. The hope of love…
Are we masochists though that we would take a chance that could ultimately lead us to another hurtful and devastating point in our lives? Why take the chance despite the hope within us that true love could finally come knocking on our door? We take those chances because of that euphoric feeling that ignites our very beings. You wake up, stare at his or her pictures, you daydream all day, you try to steal a look here or there, maybe even with social media now, go through their feed and imagine them with you or rather you with them. These small gestures make us feel alive again. It’s a feeling we all want and desire. It is why we continue to give in to so called love knowing it might not end well.
Love in its totality is so beautiful. It shows us our best and it show us our worst. It’s about learning from both spectrums about ourselves. In the end what we seek is for someone to stick by us as we would stick by them; to show up and to just be there. Do I believe in love? I do. Despite seeing myself at lows which I can’t even describe, I still believe. I still believe that one day I’ll sit next to the love of my life and stare into their eyes and a peace will come over me like never before and I’ll know that it was all worth it just to be there at that moment.
I close my eyes and I can feel his fingers pressing on my face and pulling me up from my knees to his face. I can feel the pressure of his left hand on my arm asserting his authority over me. Only he can. He is the only one that controls my mind, my heart, my body and my soul.
I close my eyes and he is here with me. The time between our play dates are long and far in between and so my mind can only create these fantasies. For now my mind is escaping into this realm.
I close my eyes and he is kissing me. Pulling me and enveloping me with his own skin. The sweat and perspiration from his skin rubs on mine and it infuses in my own skin. I welcome it because it’s a part of him and all I want is him on me in any way.
I close my eyes and I can smell him. His natural manly scent that is like an aphrodisiac for me. When he is near all my sense are on fire. His scent is so natural and so him. I know when he is near. My body is programmed like a dog to smell his presence.
I close my eyes and he is undressing me with his teeth. Animalistic in his bedroom ways. The savage beast within him that only I can tame. He is in control but my body and pleasures tame his soul and feed his fire all at the same time.
I close my eyes and I’m on my knees again. His finger has instructed me to get down in front of him and has penetrated my lips. He has warmed my tongue up with his fingers. His fingers have been shoved down my throat and I have knelt there and taken it.
I close my eyes and his cock is demanding spit from my lips, I provide it. My lips commence an assault on his monster and I give in to the pleasure that bursts within me. I live for giving him pleasure. It is what defines me.
I close my eyes and his cock is sliding slowly inside me. His head leans back a bit and then comes forward so that our eyes interlock. I can’t help but try and hold my breath and moan at the same time from the intense pleasure as he enters me. I’m in heavenly bliss and I don’t want him to stop.
I close my eyes and air in the room is dense. Our breathing is slowing down and the euphoria dissipating. Our foreheads are touching because the mental connection still remains; the only thing that matters. His lips come up to my forehead and I close my eyes…
My nails scrape against the skin slowly as my fingers wrap around it’s thickness. I slide my fingers up and grip it tightly and I then slide them back down. The skin is dry and I look up for a moment before I dart my tongue out on it making it slippery and smooth. That feeling of desire grows within me because i know the sexual desire in you has now grown. The wetness has made this ten times more intense. My fingers slide up and down smoothly now. My tongue licks the milk that comes out of the small eye. I twirl the tongue round and round the head until the small gasp escapes your lips. I suck the head gently and slowly suck the rest of the shaft inside my mouth. Slowly I glide my lips up and down while pausing at the head momentarily and sucking it like a pacifier. I pick up my speed and start again the gliding motion up and down the shaft. I look up again to show you that your cock is mine. I live for it, breath for it, I was made for bringing it unadulterated pleasure. Your hand grabs my hair and pulls it off to the left side, just enough to put your cock on the inside of my cheek . With your right hand you slap my outer cheek a few times at the head that now is jutting at the inside of my right face. It’s your reminder that I’m yours. You can do whatever you please and your brute show of force I welcome.
I wish i could explain to you in so many words how hard it has been for me these past months without you. I’ve dreamed, fantasized and wondered so many different things. Being away from you though and that pain has been very real. I’ll confess I’ve even shed a tear or two because of it.
It’s crazy because you have got to be the most absent and distant person i have dealt with in my entire life but when you speak, you speak volumes. A few words and it’s enough to make me fall to my knees and hold on desperately to this insane fantasy in my head.
I know im Crazy and that these fantasies are mine alone but you are just perfect in my eyes. You can’t even begin to imagine all the insane things that pass through my mind. The many thoughts of the unknown that i allow my mind to think about, knowing damn well I’m being foolish.
I miss you my King. Nobody touches my heart and soul the way you have. No one ignites the flames in my eyes the way you have. Nobody penetrates the core of my very existence the way you have. It’s you, it’s always you……….
I open the door for him and he’s standing there looking oh so succulent. My hand is raised on the door and I’m standing in ‘come fuck me heels’. He stares up and down at me and I’m excited for what’s to come. He walks through the door and grabs my left hand and just pulls me as he tells me to shut the door behind me. I push the door closed as he leads me and demands me to sit on the couch. I do as I’m told. I sit down but I’m impatient, I want to eat him, I want to lick him, I want to devour him; I’ve missed him. Looking at him now I realize just how much. He’s been on my mind constantly. The anticipation inside of me of what’s to come is eating at me, tearing away at my soul. I sit on the couch and I’m fidgeting. He opens up my legs and squats down… ugh… he doesn’t even know where to begin. He’s just looking at me and he seems to be taking it all in.
He starts to bite my thighs. He loves to bite, it’s like his favorite pastime with my body parts. He’s biting and nibbling everywhere and I’m getting so turned on. His bites are always the right amount of pleasure and pain. The perfect balance of wanting to be hurt but seeking the pleasure that pushes you over the edge. I push him and I tell him ‘no’ I’ve waited too long for this, I’ve waited too long for you; I want to play. Hmph, he smirks at me and just stares into my eyes. I try to bend down and get at his belt while he’s still trying and very much succeeding in biting me. I grab his belt, I open the belt, I open the first button, I get the second button and then I get the third button of his jeans. Now he stands up, I reach in and I can’t even breathe……., everything stands still; god I’ve missed this cock. I pull it out and I look at it, just the head, I just want to lick it. I lick it slowly and he gasps, ‘fuck’ he says. He’s missed me as well. I realize at this point that he’s not wearing any underwear, fucking awesome. I look up at him at he sees that I realize that he’s gone commando but I love it, easy access and all.
I continue to lick the head. I bite it softly, lick the side, lick both sides. Jesus I’ve missed him so much. I continue to lick the underside. God he smells so fucking good. His smell is intoxicating. There’s something about it that drives me to the edge. I continue to naw softly while I’m licking, sucking then finally just taking him in my mouth and sliding down….. f u c k…… I’m in such a rush my mouth is dry and I don’t care because I just want him in there. He’s grabbing my head and pushing it down aaaah, damn I’m gagging. My gag reflex is killing me today but he doesn’t realize or doesn’t care because he keeps pushing my head down and I’m not stopping him. I want him in my mouth. I come back up for air but I can see his patience is just at the edge with me, he wants so much more.
He opens up my legs and brings his teeth to my underwear. He looks up at me and then stands up again. He decides otherwise and slides my underwear down in a rush that they almost rip. I’m panting like a dog in heat waiting for him to take me. He licks his hands to moisten my entrance and what he finds is a wet pussy soaked in anticipation of his arrival. He looks at me and tells me I’m so fucking wet. I grab his neck to pull him down slowly and when our foreheads connect I tell him that my pussy only gets wet for him. He is the reason for my excitement. He positions his cock at the entrance of my pussy and slides it in. God the euphoric feeling of just that moment is enough to almost send me over the fucking edge but all I can do is gasp and grunt all at the same time. I don’t tell him how close I am. He can’t know what he does to me. I can’t stroke his fucking ego anymore than it already is.
I know I’m about to come. He’s sliding in and out with such precision and such mastery I feel like I’m in the edge of a precipice I may never come back from. My body explodes into small micro orgasms. It’s like an epileptic attack on my small frame but I hold on to him because I don’t want him to stop and I don’t want him to know how easily he can make me orgasm. Orgasms are so difficult for me but it’s like he can pull them out of me as if I were a wind up toy. He knows what to do and how to do it and how much time is needed to achieve that moment of chasing an ultimate sexual high.
He’s still stroking me and I’m so fucking wet. I think he feels it and he gets up and sits down on the couch. He has me straddle him with my back facing his chest but in this position it’s very painful. He achieves a depth that’s downright scary and painful, yet still I don’t dare stop him. He is the artist and i am just his canvass of sexual making. I adjust myself and continue to ride him but his patience is short so he pulls me so my back is on his chest. Now I can fuck him with ease. The feeling is so fucking good and I want to ride him like this but he continues to seek more. He grabs both my breast which are currently still covered with my bra. I remove the straps while he unhooks the back. He’s pushing my body down on to his dick by pressuring my body down via my breasts. Fuck I’m about to come again. I feel it; the spasms forming little by little inside deep within my core. I want to speed up and I want to slow down at the same time. My body is about to explode so I choose the latter and slow down. I don’t want him to know yet again how he affects me. It’s how he is able to hit the fucking spot and bring on so many orgasms in me. I feel my body exploding within and I ride out the orgasm just as he decides to stand up and switch it up again.
He stands up and goes to the bed, I’m the one that’s two orgasms up but he’s the one experiencing the weakness. Now my ego is stroked. He lays down and I straddle him but this time facing him. I try to take off my heels but he grabs my hand and looks at me and says ‘leave them on’. I’m high. My intentions have reached their goal and for once I feel I’ve achieved an upper hand in this duel. He pushes my hand away from my heels with force because in the end it is he who is in charge and I should know better; but I take my small victories. I bend down and bite his lower lip as our eyes connect and our foreheads touch once more. I position myself above his dick and slide my pussy down. My eyes roll back and my head follows suit. His hand comes up to my neck and my breathing becomes restricted. This is my reminder that I will never be in charge in this bedroom. I’m in fucking heaven and I’m not sure I want to come back to earth. He positions himself so his grip is strong but not overpowering as I continue to ride him. I’m rocking back and forth, sliding up and down. I start to rock again and his grip around my neck becomes tighter. I’m getting lost in an abyss of pure unadulterated pleasure. My breathing is shallow and my pussy deceives me. Just when I think I can hold off, my orgasm is creeping up with a brute force. I can hear his growls and groans and I know he’s about to explode. He releases my throat and the air expelled from my lungs is a direct burst to my impending orgasm. He hears me beginning to explode and I scream out. His body begins to shake and it’s like it’s shattered into another universe where there are no sublimations and nothing is suppressed.