Words To My Muse Mr. Crossfit

I wish i could explain to you in so many words how hard it has been for me these past months without you. I’ve dreamed, fantasized and wondered so many different things. Being away from you though and that pain has been very real. I’ll confess I’ve even shed a tear or two because of it.

It’s crazy because you have got to be the most absent and distant person i have dealt with in my entire life but when you speak, you speak volumes. A few words and it’s enough to make me fall to my knees and hold on desperately to this insane fantasy in my head.

I know im Crazy and that these fantasies are mine alone but you are just perfect in my eyes. You can’t even begin to imagine all the insane things that pass through my mind. The many thoughts of the unknown that i allow my mind to think about, knowing damn well I’m being foolish.

I miss you my King. Nobody touches my heart and soul the way you have. No one ignites the flames in my eyes the way you have. Nobody penetrates the core of my very existence the way you have. It’s you, it’s always you……….

Boyfriends & Happily Ever Afters…

What is a boyfriend? Today I was reminded that I never use that word anymore. I’m older and I would like to think wiser but I never use that word anymore. Society has changed and thus has made us more surrounded by walls despite wanting that thing called love. We seek the warmth of another’s skin, the smile that turns into a kiss for our face; we seek the hand which fingers interlock with ours. We stand in the shower and as the glass fogs we draw our initials in a heart hoping to seal in the possibility of a relationship. We watch movies where the end is a home full of love and the endless possibilities of an amazing family. 
What reality does not show is that perhaps you are older and can no longer bare any child to any man. It does not show that maybe you’ll find a man who will accept you because all he wants is your love and he isn’t interested in children. It doesn’t show that maybe he has children and now he wants to share that life with you. The happily ever after doesn’t show you that perhaps you both live in a great apartment instead of a house and that it’s perfect for you two and maybe a dog. So many different happily ever afters but where is yours. Where is my happily ever after?

My Exquisite Muse Mr. Crossfit 6

I open the door for him and he’s standing there looking oh so succulent. My hand is raised on the door and I’m standing in ‘come fuck me heels’. He stares up and down at me and I’m excited for what’s to come. He walks through the door and grabs my left hand and just pulls me as he tells me to shut the door behind me. I push the door closed as he leads me and demands me to sit on the couch. I do as I’m told. I sit down but I’m impatient, I want to eat him, I want to lick him, I want to devour him; I’ve missed him. Looking at him now I realize just how much. He’s been on my mind constantly. The anticipation inside of me of what’s to come is eating at me, tearing away at my soul. I sit on the couch and I’m fidgeting. He opens up my legs and squats down… ugh… he doesn’t even know where to begin. He’s just looking at me and he seems to be taking it all in. 

He starts to bite my thighs. He loves to bite, it’s like his favorite pastime with my body parts. He’s biting and nibbling everywhere and I’m getting so turned on. His bites are always the right amount of pleasure and pain. The perfect balance of wanting to be hurt but seeking the pleasure that pushes you over the edge. I push him and I tell him ‘no’ I’ve waited too long for this, I’ve waited too long for you; I want to play. Hmph, he smirks at me and just stares into my eyes. I try to bend down and get at his belt while he’s still trying and very much succeeding in biting me. I grab his belt, I open the belt, I open the first button, I get the second button and then I get the third button of his jeans. Now he stands up, I reach in and I can’t even breathe……., everything stands still; god I’ve missed this cock. I pull it out and I look at it, just the head, I just want to lick it. I lick it slowly and he gasps, ‘fuck’ he says. He’s missed me as well. I realize at this point that he’s not wearing any underwear, fucking awesome. I look up at him at he sees that I realize that he’s gone commando but I love it, easy access and all.

I continue to lick the head. I bite it softly, lick the side, lick both sides. Jesus I’ve missed him so much. I continue to lick the underside. God he smells so fucking good. His smell is intoxicating. There’s something about it that drives me to the edge. I continue to naw softly while I’m licking, sucking then finally just taking him in my mouth and sliding down….. f u c k…… I’m in such a rush my mouth is dry and I don’t care because I just want him in there. He’s grabbing my head and pushing it down aaaah, damn I’m gagging. My gag reflex is killing me today but he doesn’t realize or doesn’t care because he keeps pushing my head down and I’m not stopping him. I want him in my mouth. I come back up for air but I can see his patience is just at the edge with me, he wants so much more. 

He opens up my legs and brings his teeth to my underwear. He looks up at me and then stands up again. He decides otherwise and slides my underwear down in a rush that they almost rip. I’m panting like a dog in heat waiting for him to take me. He licks his hands to moisten my entrance and what he finds is a wet pussy soaked in anticipation of his arrival. He looks at me and tells me I’m so fucking wet. I grab his neck to pull him down slowly and when our foreheads connect I tell him that my pussy only gets wet for him. He is the reason for my excitement. He positions his cock at the entrance of my pussy and slides it in. God the euphoric feeling of just that moment is enough to almost send me over the fucking edge but all I can do is gasp and grunt all at the same time. I don’t tell him how close I am. He can’t know what he does to me. I can’t stroke his fucking ego anymore than it already is. 

I know I’m about to come. He’s sliding in and out with such precision and such mastery I feel like I’m in the edge of a precipice I may never come back from. My body explodes into small micro orgasms. It’s like an epileptic attack on my small frame but I hold on to him because I don’t want him to stop and I don’t want him to know how easily he can make me orgasm. Orgasms are so difficult for me but it’s like he can pull them out of me as if I were a wind up toy. He knows what to do and how to do it and how much time is needed to achieve that moment of chasing an ultimate sexual high. 

He’s still stroking me and I’m so fucking wet. I think he feels it and he gets up and sits down on the couch. He has me straddle him with my back facing his chest but in this position it’s very painful. He achieves a depth that’s downright scary and painful, yet still I don’t dare stop him. He is the artist and i am just his canvass of sexual making. I adjust myself and continue to ride him but his patience is short so he pulls me so my back is on his chest. Now I can fuck him with ease. The feeling is so fucking good and I want to ride him like this but he continues to seek more. He grabs both my breast which are currently still covered with my bra. I remove the straps while he unhooks the back. He’s pushing my body down on to his dick by pressuring my body down via my breasts. Fuck I’m about to come again. I feel it; the spasms forming little by little inside deep within my core. I want to speed up and I want to slow down at the same time. My body is about to explode so I choose the latter and slow down. I don’t want him to know yet again how he affects me. It’s how he is able to hit the fucking spot and bring on so many orgasms in me. I feel my body exploding within and I ride out the orgasm just as he decides to stand up and switch it up again. 

He stands up and goes to the bed, I’m the one that’s two orgasms up but he’s the one experiencing the weakness. Now my ego is stroked. He lays down and I straddle him but this time facing him. I try to take off my heels but he grabs my hand and looks at me and says ‘leave them on’. I’m high. My intentions have reached their goal and for once I feel I’ve achieved an upper hand in this duel. He pushes my hand away from my heels with force because in the end it is he who is in charge and I should know better; but I take my small victories. I bend down and bite his lower lip as our eyes connect and our foreheads touch once more. I position myself above his dick and slide my pussy down. My eyes roll back and my head follows suit. His hand comes up to my neck and my breathing becomes restricted. This is my reminder that I will never be in charge in this bedroom. I’m in fucking heaven and I’m not sure I want to come back to earth. He positions himself so his grip is strong but not overpowering as I continue to ride him. I’m rocking back and forth, sliding up and down. I start to rock again and his grip around my neck becomes tighter. I’m getting lost in an abyss of pure unadulterated pleasure. My breathing is shallow and my pussy deceives me. Just when I think I can hold off, my orgasm is creeping up with a brute force. I can hear his growls and groans and I know he’s about to explode. He releases my throat and the air expelled from my lungs is a direct burst to my impending orgasm. He hears me beginning to explode and I scream out. His body begins to shake and it’s like it’s shattered into another universe where there are no sublimations and nothing is suppressed.

DV (Deco)

Today I realized that even as we grow, those around us do not. Age does not make us more intelligent or even more weary of how to treat others. It’s only after we hurt and deal with certain situations in our lives do we realize that we need to treat people with a certain kind of respect. We don’t do it for them, we do it because it makes us better human beings. 
Last week I hooked up with a guy who I genuinely thought was ‘nice’. I’ve known of him for years but never really reached out to engage in conversation until last month. So we got together and I thought he was god sent!! Not sexually because to be honest I felt he lacked a bit of experience but as a person. I got to his place after work and he let me take a long shower, he washed all my clothes and in the morning he even took me to breakfast. Fuck I thought, I could work with this! I could definitely help him improve sexually and was willing to overlook that for being such a nice guy.
But boy was I wrong!!

My issue right now is why did I misjudge him. Am I so fucked up that the first guy who comes with ‘game’ is able to so easily deceive me? I know that my id still seeks to find companionship in some way or form. I know I would like to have a constant in my life that is more than just the sexual component but how did I misread him so much? 

Since last week (despite my leaving for 3 days on a Caribbean getaway) I have not spent any time with him. Normally it’s not a big deal but we work the same hours and he is 5 minutes away from my job! I would think that he would seek me out at least for the sexual component. 
I honestly think I’m out of touch with the world of men sometimes……

I Need It…..

You walk through the door and I’m patiently waiting on the floor for your entry. The impatience within to see it, hold it, caress it and taste it is overwhelming. It’s been over a month since I last saw you and I’ve died a million slow deaths without your cock. I’m on my knees and you slide your fingers against my face as you stand in front of me. I lean in to your hand as my hands slowly open up your belt, open up your pants and reach in to pull your cock out. It’s already hard because you know what’s coming. I see the grin plastered all over your face. You know that I’m about to devour you whole. 

You lean against the desk in the room and wait. My mouth opens wide and I take the entire head in. My need for the smell and taste has no mercy. You look down on me as I slide my entire mouth down to the base. I slide back up and the air gives way to a sensation as it hits your shaft. Your hands now grasp the desk that’s behind you and I can see that you want this just as bad. I slide down once more to the base and the unadulterated groan that escapes you makes my pussy gush with wetness. My hands come up and like a symphony plays with your balls at the right vibration and pressure. The words ‘fuck me’ escape your lips and now my face holds a grin despite having your cock shoved all the way down my throat.

I take my time, licking the undershaft, sucking the head, savoring every bit of skin and engulfing it down my throats to the point of breathlessness. You haven’t touched me since you walked in from fear I’ll stop and I see it in your eyes. I know you want to take over and take control. I stare at you and say ‘do your worst’. You gather my hair from my nape and bundle it in your hand while the other hand wraps around my neck. You restrain my breathing and at the same time make sure I’m gagging from the depth you’ve pushed my head down your cock. The saliva drops from my mouth when you allow air to flow again, and then again you restrict my breathing. I am in awe of your dominance and I welcome and embrace it. 

I continue my assault on your cock with my lips and tongue. You lose yourself in the moment and while still holding my hair you release your deathly grip of my neck and surrender to the feelings. Your neck falls back and the low growl is enough to tell me that I have you close and almost at the precipice. I strengthen the pull and the suction in my mouth and then grab your ass. I pull you deeper into my face as if it were at all possible. You look down directly in my eyes and I see your emotions plastered everywhere. You can’t hold back and I look back at you giving you and making you feel the assurance that I’m not going to stop. Both of your hands come to my head and the rumble that stirs from within your throat becomes a strong and loud growl and you pump your cock releasing your venom down my throat ……

Morning Fantasies of Mr. Crossfit 3

I wake up and there you are staring at me. I stare back for a minute or so and you get up on your knees. My pussy is sore from last nights fuck session and still filled with your orgasmic milky explosions. You pull my legs towards you and I’m scared of the pain my poor pussy is about to experience. I welcome the pain despite my fear and I yearn for it. You bring my legs around your waist and your head comes up to my breasts. You ask me if I’m going to be a good girl and take it. I nod my head up and down and bite my lower lip. You take your thumb and come up to my face and place it next to my mouth. Your eyes are ignited with fire; a fire that needs to be put out. You know my pussy is the only thing with the juices needed to calm the fire within you. As your thumb slides inside my mouth your dick proceeds to do the same inside my pussy. 
My mouth opens wide from the breathlessness, the intense pain and pleasure mixed together as one. I’m in pain and I don’t care because I want it so bad. You pull back out and give me a devilish grin and with no recourse start pounding inside me. I’m falling into an abyss and my senses are so heightened. The pain is ever consuming but I want it, I welcome it. The pleasure is building inside and I know my orgasm is imminent. You come down and suck on my left nipple, it’s taking me over the edge but not quite. I moan loud and you slide out. 
I look at you in disbelief and you give me that killer grin again. Your finger gives me that come here twitch and I get up and get on all fours. It’s my lips you want now on that gorgeous cock and I’m more than willing despite being denied my orgasm. I’m more than happy to play this game of delayed gratification. I slide my lips right over the head. It’s all wet from my juices and I realize how savoring my pussy is. I slide my lips all the way to the base and retreat again to the head. I can hear you moaning and cursing all at the same time. You attempt to grab my head and I grab your arms and push you off balance. You were not expecting that and I’m able to gain some control of your body as I push your torso down. Your hands come back up to my head but I push them down, pinning them at the sides. I know you can get loose but I’m ecstatic that you allow me to play. 
My head is moving up and down and my sucked in cheeks are creating a friction I can only imagine you are loving. You push my left hand out of the way and grab the back of my head as you lift it up. You come up and kiss me feverishly and I swear I’m going to come from the assault your tongue gives my tongue. We are both on our knees at this point and with one quick swipe I am under you again with my legs wide open.
You whisper in my ear how you love to taste my own pussy on my lips. I smile and with no warning your dick is sliding in with force and no regard. You are pumping into me hard and fast and I can’t think, I can’t breathe and I can only feel and let go. Our eyes are locked and you can feel the pulsing in my vagina indicating I’m about to orgasm. It takes you over the edge and before I realize it, I’m so far gone. Your moans in my ear are the last thing I hear before I pass out from the ever intense shared orgasm.

Letter to Mr. Crossfit

There’s a peace that comes from within when you reach a place you’ve longed for. You might think I speak of some inner zen but the truth is, sexual release is what gives me this peace. Sexual release on a level I feel I can get with you, it’s a place where you and I have just touched the surface. 

With you I can explore, dive in, play, create, allow and just be myself sexually. Sometimes you seek a person hoping to connect on a mental level but in a physical aspect and you never find it. Connecting with someone mentally when it comes to sex is a different level of sex in and of itself. I finally feel like I can reach new heights and orgasmic blisses with you. I’ve searched so long for someone to want to play and discover with me. 

I don’t seek a friend, I don’t seek nuance or trivial conversations, I don’t care for daily routines; none of those things I care about or matter to me. But that sexual connection that we have to experiment, try and play is what I want; it’s what I need and yearn for. It’s this physical desire that touches you mentally but only for the sake of achieving the ultimate sexual high….

Morning Fantasies of Mr. Crossfit 2

It’s almost 8 and I’m struggling to sleep. You sense my agitation and spoon my body towards yours in bed. I welcome the warmth your body provides. I nestle my ass to your already swollen cock. I’m not fully awake but not fully asleep. Your right hand reaches over and cups my right breast. It feels soft and full in comparison to your rough calloused hands and my body welcomes it. Your fingers put pressure on my nipple and my eyes open wide. You can’t see my facial expressions but the breath that escapes my mouth is very audible. Your teeth scrape my neck all the way to my right shoulder as your assault on my nipple continues. The intensity is building in between my legs from your nipple rubbing and my breathing is turning into short gasps which begin to turn into low moans. Your biting into my shoulder and the pain from your teeth with the sensation from my breast is overwhelming. You know my breasts are highly sensitive and your intention is to bring me to the edge. Your right hand moves up to my shoulder and you push it down as your upper body slides up from behind me. We lock eyes as your lips begin a further assault on my right breast. Your lips are tugging, your tongue soothing and your teeth pressuring and biting my nipple. The building sensation inside of me feels like a water dam ready to be released or cracked open from the pressure. Your movements on my nipple are methodical and calculated. My moans are so loud because now, your biting is hard and the sensation is paralyzing. We stare at each other as your hand travels down to my underwear. Your eyes never leaving mine and your teeth still clamped on my nipple. You slide your fingers in between now my soaking wet folds and you spare no mercy on my clit. ‘Fuck baby you are soaking wet’ and I close my eyes from the deep feeling in the back of my spine and you demandingly follow with ‘keep them open and look at me’. I feel the dam about to burst open when my eyes close again and you say ‘eyes open NOW’ ever so demanding. Your middle finger on my clit is playing a masterful piece of music and I’m going deep into a black abyss. My body is so far gone and what seems like an eternity has only been but maybe a few minutes. The water is seeping through the cracks of the dam and now you whisper in my ear ‘cum all over my hand beautiful but keep looking at me’. My moans complete your symphony as the orgasm breaks through and your fingers begin a different assault on my pussy….

My Exquisite Muse Mr. Crossfit 3

Later tonight I will see him again. Two weeks to the last time I was hypnotized by his amazing sexual skills. I knew he would be good just never imagined he would beyond surpass that. I never imagined that he would be utterly amazing and almost perfect.

I reach out to him in small talk and sometimes hours and days pass before I hear back from him. He doesn’t understand that I don’t care about his feelings per se. I don’t want to talk about how your day was or how is work treating you. I don’t care what you had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I don’t care if you have plans and are going somewhere. I don’t care about you at all. What I do care about is keeping this flame inside of me alive. I want to flirt with you on the phone, hear you say what you’re thinking of sexually. I want to know the things that you would like me to do to you. I want you to keep me wet during the day with just your words.

In the beginning my method didn’t work. Perhaps I enjoyed our silly flirting too much but what I wanted as an end result was always the same; him inside of me tearing up my pussy. Men confuse women trying to interact with them as women seeking something more and that’s not the case. A women just likes to talk about sex (well some do). I like to engage and get turned on by words. I want to fantasize and men mistake that for other nonsense. I want the interaction for purely sexual purposes; hear all the dirty things in your mind and allow me to visualize it throughout the day….

Humans need to learn to communicate better.

Pondering Thoughts

I lay here at work because I’m stuck until tomorrow, long story but instead of working my regular afternoon shift I have to work in the day time. 

I’m thinking of C.O. and Mr. Crossfit guy. C.O. was who I was looking forward to spending time with this summer. We hit it off and he appeared to be on the same page as me. The sex was fucking awesome and he was even loving and attentive. What I wasn’t expecting was his soap opera of a life ruining my plans with him. Long story short he is taken but his girlfriend had a medical issue where she doesn’t even know who he is to her. What the fuck you might say, yeah trust me I’m right there with you. He’s giving it 2 more years to see if she gets better and then he’s calling it quits. I can’t compete with that. That’s next level love which frankly I’ve given up on. I don’t want love. I want fun but with no responsibilities. Sex with no attachment and conversation with no depth. Yes I’m crazy, but crazy is my middle name. 

Mr. Crossfit guy is just a bag of disaster. I like to engage and talk about nothing and everything sexual. You retain my attention that way. Mr. Crossfit doesn’t engage, doesn’t reply half the time to messages and is so absent he might as well not even exist. It’s quite childish but a child he is. Except in bed, in bed he is truly a king! His sex is fucking exquisite and so mind blowing. He def made my top three of all time and I almost considered giving him the number one spot but his character makes me want to keep him in spot 3 for now.

Just needed to vent. Going to try and sleep.