DV (Deco)

Today I realized that even as we grow, those around us do not. Age does not make us more intelligent or even more weary of how to treat others. It’s only after we hurt and deal with certain situations in our lives do we realize that we need to treat people with a certain kind of respect. We don’t do it for them, we do it because it makes us better human beings. 
Last week I hooked up with a guy who I genuinely thought was ‘nice’. I’ve known of him for years but never really reached out to engage in conversation until last month. So we got together and I thought he was god sent!! Not sexually because to be honest I felt he lacked a bit of experience but as a person. I got to his place after work and he let me take a long shower, he washed all my clothes and in the morning he even took me to breakfast. Fuck I thought, I could work with this! I could definitely help him improve sexually and was willing to overlook that for being such a nice guy.
But boy was I wrong!!

My issue right now is why did I misjudge him. Am I so fucked up that the first guy who comes with ‘game’ is able to so easily deceive me? I know that my id still seeks to find companionship in some way or form. I know I would like to have a constant in my life that is more than just the sexual component but how did I misread him so much? 

Since last week (despite my leaving for 3 days on a Caribbean getaway) I have not spent any time with him. Normally it’s not a big deal but we work the same hours and he is 5 minutes away from my job! I would think that he would seek me out at least for the sexual component. 
I honestly think I’m out of touch with the world of men sometimes……

180degree

A few weeks can change a person so drastically. I experienced a heartbreaking ordeal in 2015-2016 which would forever change the woman I had become. I wanted love and a home with a white picket fence and maybe a dog with a big family but God looked down at me and laughed. I did everything right in life except maybe I was always too independent. I was always in charge but it was because deep down I wanted a man to see what an asset as a woman I was. It backfired on me. I got a career, a home, a car yet I live alone with no one but my shadow. Men don’t want me because I can’t give them children and I’m just not a ‘girl’. I’m too aggressive I’ve been told; intimidating to so many. It’s crazy how one day you feel you are doing everything right and when you look back you realize you did everything wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have aspired for so much and then maybe I would have been more marketable for a man. The truth is that i no longer care. All I want today in life is to find men that will give me physical pleasure and be content with just that. #Loveless #FuckLove #MenWantWeakWomen #ImTooAggressive #FuckMen #IonlyNeedTemporaryWarmth #LoveIsOverRated